Maybe some have noticed . . . most probably not, but I have been off of the blog radar. Climbing off of my trainer on the January 16th, something was not right. It was a base spin without much effort of around 55 miles. I felt drained, even a little shaky. I thought it was just a long week, and I would feel better later. Not so fast, my friend. Next day? Same. Just tired, so I pushed on through the week.
Friday came, and there was a headache. I made it to work, but I could not get started. It was then I noticed a rash on both of my hands and wrists. What the?! I left work and went to get tested. Yep, Covid positive. Well, I guess being in a public school setting, with hundreds of students and staff, it was only a matter of time. No big deal. I will quarantine, rest and be ready to go in a week. Looking back, I was clueless.
The problem with the Covid virus is that the person who is infected never knows what bag of tricks will be delivered, by way of symptoms. Many people told me that they only experienced a slight headache for a couple days and that was it. Others have . . . well, died. I never had a fever. I never had a cough. I had the chronic exhaustion, clammy skin and heavy nausea. I did have the loss of taste and smell, but that was nothing compared to the constant feeling of being sea sick and needing to sleep if I walked from the living room to the kitchen.
So, what is the point? I have only told you what everyone already knows. However, last year, at this almost exact time, I had my accident that set me back months on the bike . . . and actually still have residual effects, mental not physical. Now, this. I am just tired of digging out at the start of the year. I have always been a fighter. If need be, I can force myself to climb back on a get the job done, but cycling is not about the miles per week or KOMs. There is deep passion for the sport and a genuine respect of the machine and the process. So my question to my avid cycling friends is this: should I take a prolonged time off of the bike? Is there some way to re-fire the passion? Why do I feel this way? This is certainly not a pity party. I just seek answers. I saw myself riding a bike until my final days on earth. For some reason, I am reminded of a poem by William Blake:
Bring me my Bow of burning gold:
Bring me my arrows of desire:
Bring me my Spear: O clouds unfold!
Bring me my Chariot of fire!
I will not cease from Mental Fight,
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand: