New Rules for Society . . . as of now.

Effective immediately, the following list will be enforced globally. This is by declaration of the Secondratecyclist and monitored by same. Things have been allowed to go on for way too long. Read. Understand. Pass along.

  1. Eliminate the phrase “it is what it is.” Of course it is what it is! This phrase just barely beat out “no brainer.” Just using “no brainer” sounds like you have no brain.
  2. Pull up your pants. You look like a clown. Your walk is even ridiculous because of how you wear your pants. The mere appearance of you just screams ignorance.
  3. When you are driving your car . . . drive your car. If you have the attention span of a five-year-old, take the bus. Leave your phone alone and drive. Someone’s life could depend on it.
  4. Pajamas are for the house. Take some pride in how you look. It might just be Wal-mart, but you are still in public. Bringing your knotted-up hair, no make-up, worn-out pajama self to the grocery store or to drop your child off at practice is a shame on you and your family.
  5. A time trial bicycle is not made for you to slipstream in a group ride. If you bought it because it looks cool, that’s on you. Find a road bike and use it in group rides. If want to stick with the TT, it’s cool . . . but it’s for a specific purpose. Google the uses, and use it for that purpose. It’s dangerous for a group ride.
  6. Don’t hold up one index finger when cheering for your professional or college team. Nine out of ten times, your team is not #1. If you know they’re terrible or even mediocre. It’s okay. Cheer for your team, but don’t embarrass yourself or the team by claiming they are the top team.
  7. Respect the elderly. Whether he or she is a huge success or barely getting along, an elderly person has lived longer than you and has bits of wisdom that can be imparted to you. Honor the life he or she has lived. Be courteous.
  8. Take care of your children. If you are covered in $4,000 worth of tattoos and your children appear as though they are homeless, you have a priority problem. If you child is screaming at the top of his lungs in a restaurant and you think ignoring it is the right answer, you’re wrong.
  9. If you are 40 years old, don’t dress like you are 16 years old. Shopping at Forever 21 doesn’t make you 21. Dress your age. The yoga pants are for your yoga class. Wearing a My Chemical Romance t-shirt doesn’t make you look cool. It makes you look like an idiot.
  10. Be excited about other people’s accomplishments. In a selfish world, it can be a breath of fresh air for someone to be excited for someone else. Lift others up. Be humble. Be gracious. Don’t worry about someone beating you to the punch. You will be blessed for it.
  11. Profanity is only used in place of a limited vocabulary. Yeah, it was “cool” to use profanity when we were 15 years old, but now you are a grown man who drops the F-bomb 10 times in every sentence you speak. Learn more words and extend your vocabulary to possess a better way of expressing yourself.
  12. Littering is just ridiculous. With the amount of trash cans dotted across cities and neighborhoods, you have to be a fairly pathetic person to toss trash on the ground or out of your car window.
  13. Obesity is not a disability. You have a fork and spoon problem. You eat to entertain yourself, not maintain yourself. Placing a handicap tag on your mirror because you’re too fat to walk more than 50 meters and/or using a motorized shopping cart doesn’t not mean you have a handicap.
  14. Be a lady and a gentleman. Honoring my wife by opening the car door for her or standing when she approaches or the leaves the table is my way of displaying a deep respect. Where did it all go? For example, a woman belching loudly in public then squeaking out a cute little “excuse me” is not excusable.
  15. Smile. Slow down in life. Smile at others. The look you get when you smile at a total stranger and even greet them with salutation of the morning or afternoon can be comical. People need to be kind and insist that world be a better place.

19 thoughts on “New Rules for Society . . . as of now.

  1. I get that society isn’t perfect, but dude, it is what it is, yeah?

    There I smiled. If I break the first rule but obey the last one, do I get to go home free?

  2. I know they are more expensive and they are certainly strange the first time you wear them, but in the name of everything holy, wear bib shorts. I have no desire to see your butt-crack on a club ride.

  3. entirely for the sake of argument 🙂 I am going to pull you up on the no make-up thing. I’ll have you know I look perfectly pulled together and smart without wasting time every morning putting some fake stuff onto my face to make it look slightly less like my face (and wear off after about an hour anyway). I’ve got cycling to do – there’s no time for that! (being slightly tongue-in-cheek but stiiiiiiiill)

    1. I am with Alice on this one, I don’t wear make-up and I don’t feel any obligation to do so. You probably should get after me now, I have rebelled against two rules already and the day isn’t over yet 😉

    2. hahaha! I guess I didn’t express myself clear enough. It’s not for the person who goes without make-up because maybe she doesn’t wear it. I’m talking about the person who comes to the grocery store and still looks like death because she could care less how they present themselves. 😀 Oh, this goes for men too!

  4. Couldn’t possibly agree with you more! I have a bit of a problem when it comes to number one though… Ah well, it is what it is. I’ll give it a go.

  5. What about going to the grocery store when you’re dripping with sweat after a run? Though I usually towel off first, and sometimes even throw a dry shirt on over the top, if I’ve remembered to bring one.

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