A Letter from Your Bike

Dear Rider,

I hope this letter finds you doing well. I’ve enjoyed our last few rides, but I have a few things I’d like to share with you. I don’t mean to be a nag. I try to stay as quiet as possible, unless you don’t lubricate my chain like you’re suppose to do. We have to work together to be solid team. I can only do so much; as you know, I am limited to what you can do. But here are a few things that might help us.

First, you can change out my bottle cages for ones that are 10 grams lighter and replace my crank set from standard to mid to compact and put on a lighter wheel set, but have you ever weighed yourself? I mean I can weight 14.6 pounds at the bike shop, while everybody picks me up and talks about how light I am, but I bet they won’t pick me up with you strapped to my saddle. My word of encouragement is to push away from the table a bit quicker, so that we can be.

I am aware that probably stung a little bit, but like I said we are a team and need to work together as one. I would also like to bring your attention to gears. This is an important part of my ability and what I can give to you. That crunching sound that you hear when you are applying a great amount of force to my pedals while shifting gears is not good. Prepare for shifts. Don’t panic and shift. There is a big difference, and it will help you ride more efficient.

Now, if you went as long without a bath as I do, people would find it hard to be around you. I have a lot moving parts that need lubrication. Those two things attract dirt, not only to my moving parts but also my frame. You seriously can’t expect me to operate at full capacity when day after day you just roll me out and drop some lube on my chain and off we go. I need a little TLC. I promise to give it right back to you.

Well, I’ve taken enough of your time. I do want to thank you for keeping me in the spare bedroom, even though your partner doesn’t completely love the idea. I feel a bit of jealousy between me and her. I know we spend a lot of time together, but I don’t think I can provide what she can give you . . . yeah, the spare bedroom is a bit close to your bedroom. Oh, and before I let you go, is it possible to move the mountain bike to the other side of the room, since it is the off season for him? He’s a bit rough and bossy. His comments about me being prissy aren’t welcomed. Thanks in advance. I’ll see you this afternoon.

Bike #1

(the backup bike says hey)

10 thoughts on “A Letter from Your Bike

  1. “Don’t worry, bro” (to the Venge)… “Revenge (the mountain bike – matches the road bike) is just jealous ’cause we’re inseparable…and that you’re so much, um, more svelte.”

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