The Slide . . . if you will

My wife and I have always loved the older television shows, all the way back to the 1950s. The grainy, black and white television shows that cause my children to cringe or take a deep breath. The innocence of the characters, placed in a suburbia family setting, are typical and a honesty a breath of fresh air. Antenna TV airs most of the good ones, and they are fun to watch. The plots are sometimes very predictable, but the characters are cleanly funny and are known world-wide. Ask someone in Beijing, China if they have ever heard of Lucille Ball or Andy Griffith. One could almost bet you’ll get a “yes.” How many of the old quotes do you know?”Nip it, Andy!”  . . . “Gee, Wally.” . . . “Wilbur, come in the room.” . . . “Why can’t I be in your show, Ricky!?”

So the other day, I had an idea (of course, that can light the muse candle). What if those shows were filmed today? What would the topics be? What would be considered politically incorrect? This idea inspired me to come up with a few episode titles:

Andy Griffith Show

“Barney and Thelma Lou Visit Family Planning Counselor”

“To Catch a Sexual Predator: Mayberry”

Father Knows Best

“Betty’s Fight for Gay Marriage”

“Bud Slings Some Bud at School”


“Hazel’s Secrets”

“Dorothy Baxter and the Neighbor”

Mr. Ed

“PETA saves Ed”

“Ed exploited by Owner”

I love Lucy

“Lucy and Ethel drink the Night Away”

“Ricky faces Deportation”

Leave it Beaver

“The Beaver gets a Trim”‘

“Who slept with Wally?”

I don’t know why television became engrossed in who could go the furthest. Now, we have naked people running around in the jungle. We have trashy “reality” televisions shows. Talk shows displaying who is the real father of a child and someone hitting someone with a chair. I mean, for the love of Pete, ESPN can’t even stay away from covering every breath of the first openly homosexual football player . . . just because the man is homosexual . . . “not that there’s anything wrong with that” to quote a famous Seinfeld line. If he’s unbelievably good at football, cover him. If he’s not, the View will find room for him.

Am I alone?


2 thoughts on “The Slide . . . if you will

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